Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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