I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
