No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
