Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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