That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
