i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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