FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
