I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
