so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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