when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
