you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
