..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
