I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
