I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
