Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
