in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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