I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
