O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
