That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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