I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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