Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize