Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
