I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
