I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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