Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
