I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
