This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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