Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
