The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
