Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
