We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
