I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
