Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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