I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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