I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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