3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I forget how to act sober
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
