My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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