your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
