it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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