My Higher Power is John Stamos
They should really pass out barf bags in church
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Blood and glitter go together right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize