get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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