I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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