he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Vodka?
Forever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
