I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
