she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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