he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize