and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize