i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
