Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
