first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
