If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
