So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
