Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
