More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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