oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
