I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize