I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
