Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
