Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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