I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
