i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
