I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
