He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
