Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
