the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
