you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
