I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
