Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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