yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
