New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
