when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have tasted many bathrooms
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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