oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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