just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
