I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
