a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
