So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
