And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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