My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
