I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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